You may have heard the phrase”your child will grow out of it” when it comes to picky or selective eating. But this isn’t true for all kids. Picky eating is very common in toddlers, with estimates anywhere from 30-50% of parents reporting their toddlers are picky. And it is true that many kids outgrow this selective phase of eating, but I do know there are things parents can do to navigate the early picky eating behaviors to come out the other side with a curious adventurous eater.  I see picky eaters of all ages in my practice. And I have realized I emphasize different strategies depending on the age of the child, so I thought I would share. I am going to give you the top 3 things to focus on based on the age of your child if you are struggling with picky eating.

What to First Consider for All Picky Eaters

There are many things to first consider if you have a picky or more selective eater. Maybe you dread mealtimes, and find it easier to just make you child the same foods to avoid conflict. Maybe you have tried talking to them, taking away things if they don’t eat, rewarding them for trying a new food, or hiding foods. Whatever it may be, you may find it doesn’t actually help them to be more adventurous in trying new foods or open to a food the next time around. You may even notice that they have narrowed their food choices even further. Here’s the top things I think every parent should be consistent with long term, or what I like to refer to as the foundations of being a good eater. 

 

Keep to a Schedule

Feed your kids meals and snacks at predictable times. Your child will start to expect to eat at those times. They may start to feel hungry around those times and can more easily start to understand their hunger and fullness cues. If they are hungry at the same time everyday, then you have more ability to capitalize on their hunger with introducing new foods. 

 

Model Eating the Foods You Want Them to Eat

Kids are much more apt to copy what their parents do than to listen when being told to do something, especially when it comes to eating foods. The more a child is exposed to a food, even just by watching you eat it, the more curious they become about that food, which then opens the door for their willingness to try that food. So eat with your kids as much as possible. Share your foods you enjoy with them.

 

Reduce Pressure

As parents, we know our kids need good nutrition, but I find that pressuring them to eat, either by rewarding them with something they want or punishing them if they don’t eat a certain food or enough food, we are teaching them to hate mealtimes and feel stress around pleasing us. In reality, we want to teach them to love food, to understand what their bodies need, and how to have a good relationship with food. We do this over time, by making mealtimes enjoyable. When we remove pressure, make mealtimes fun, children become more open to learning about food and curious about new foods.

None of these strategies are necessarily easy, but if you keep them in mind and stay as consistent as you are able with them, you will notice small changes over time that will benefit your child in the long run. Once you feel like you have a handle on structure, modeling and reducing pressure, you can build on strategies that I find helpful for different ages. 

Strategies for Picky Eaters at Every Age

Toddlers and Preschoolers

Have a schedule and a routine around meals and snacks

I had this as a strategy for all ages, but it is especially important for young kids. They really are still trying to figure out that rumbling feeling in their stomach that let’s them know it’s time to eat. And they may not yet make the connection to feeling really irritable or tired when they haven’t eaten in awhile. You can start talking about what it feels like to be hungry or full so they can learn. But we also want to feed them at predictable times so that those connections become easier. As opposed to trying to feed them a meal at a random time, which they refuse and we then get frustrated and attribute it to them being difficult. It becomes much easier when they are used to eating at certain times. This also means that you don’t want to feed them throughout the day whenever they ask for snacks. We want there to be times of the day when no food is offered. Again, this is to help them better understand hunger and fullness which helps them to eat when it’s time to eat.

 

Offer lots of variety. Include favorites but also new foods and continue to offer them

Variety is key at this age. Your child is starting to want to make decisions, especially about what they eat . However, they don’t yet understand what their bodies need and what they like may change day to day. This is exactly why you want to expose them to lots of different foods. Set the expectation that there are lots of foods our bodies need, so we don’t eat the same thing all the time. Also, you are setting the expectation that we may not love every food we eat, but each day we may feel different about a certain food, so it’s good to keep trying foods.

 

Let them play with their food and encourage engagement of their senses

Kids get exposure they need to new foods, not only by eating them or by watching you eat them, but also by using all of their senses. This is how kids learn about the world around them at this age. So it makes sense that to be open to new foods, they may want to touch it and smell it long before they are ready to eat it. This is why it’s great to put foods out and instead of saying “just try it”, maybe say “what does it feel like?” or “what does it look like?” as a way to get them to engage with the food. This can be very helpful with kids who seem sensitive to textures or are scared of foods. We can teach them how foods feel and how to describe them to help them feel more in control of what they put in their bodies.

School Aged Kids

Start involving them in meal planning to teach them about balance and start giving them control with limits

Ask your kids to help pick out meals for the week. This is different than asking them at dinner time what they would like to eat. Asking them to help plan out meals includes them in the process and can be utilized for teaching too. Maybe they say they want pizza for dinner. You can say that sounds great, but to make it balanced we also need fruit or vegetables and ask them what they think should be included. Or maybe to teach being accepting of different foods and meals, everyone in the family gets to pick a meal to have.

 

Teach them to be in tune with their hunger and fullness

Continue the schedule but allow for them to learn the natural consequences of skipping meals. Offer eating opportunities at set times, but embrace The Division of Responsibility, which is an approach to eating where you are responsible for what is fed and they are responsible for eating. This helps them to understand their hunger and fullness. We can’t follow them around feeding them all day, otherwise they never learn what it feels like to be hungry, and the motivation for eating is diminished.

 

Create a stress free environment

Continue to build upon the strategy of removing pressure, by staying neutral at mealtimes. Do not force your kids to eat something to get dessert or get sent to their room for not eating. Food is served and it’s up to them to eat. If you are able to have structure to the day, then for the most part, at meal and snack times they should be hungry to eat something. Then embrace the idea that it is not your job to make sure they eat. It is theirs. Instead focus on how to make mealtimes enjoyable for all as a way to lower the stress. Talk about your days, listen to music, play a game. Enjoy the small amount of time together.

Teenagers

Get them more involved with meal preparation

Teenagers can start to plan and make meals for the family and for themselves. It can be a bonding activity with you and your teen and can start to prepare them to be on their own. Through being involved in the process they may find more foods they like or are more ok with eating. 

 

Avoid guilting/shaming/praising

Remain neutral around foods to continue to make mealtimes be a positive experience. Engage in conversation vs. lecturing, especially around food. Guilting a child into eating something, as well as shaming them about their food choices can only further complicate their relationship with food and narrow their choices further. And sometimes praise can feel overwhelming as well. Instead continue to model eating behaviors you would like them to have, including foods you would like them to eat. Talk about why you like certain foods and the benefits of consuming certain foods.

 

Talk with them about agreements and boundaries

While including them in the process of planning and preparing meals, you can make agreements as a family. Maybe that is around willingness to try new foods. An agreement can be your child will try foods on their plate but it’s ok to not eat all of it.  And there can be boundaries in place, like there are only a few bites of new foods placed on the plate, or this is only done at certain meals or on certain days. In creating family agreements like this is puts more control in your child’s hand to help determine what feels ok to them.

Remember progress may often be slow, but every step and every win counts! These are all of course suggestions, but every child is different and sometimes there can be more going on than simply picky or selective eating. If you feel like you have tried different strategies and still feel stuck, you should consider working with a pediatric dietitian who works with picky eaters because navigating these strategies and others can be challenging.